The Dry Spell
by RossNChandlersGurls
Summary: Okay, this is JenniGellerBing and MsAmericanPie's JOINT FF.NET account! Okay, YES! WE ADMIT! This fic SHOULD be rate R, so sue us. :) Verrry naughty. LOL. NOT NC-17, but fun!
1. And you thought YOUR night was bad

"The Dry Spell"  
  
Monica excitedly uncorked a bottle of wine. Her nerves were jangling, and the pop of the cork as it opened startled her. "Dammit," she muttered as a drop spilled onto the freshly ironed tablecloth.   
  
  
  
Everything had to be perfect. Chandler was coming home from Tulsa tonight, and Monica was itching to have a romantic, passionate night, something that hadn't happened in a while. If Chandler wasn't in Tulsa, she was busy at work. If she was in the mood, he wasn't.   
  
  
  
Monica looked down at herself and smiled. The cream-colored bra and panties with the lacy cover-up showed an unorthodox amount of skin, but it was perfect. She didn't have any worries about tonight. If this didn't turn Chandler on, nothing would!   
  
  
  
As if on cue, the door opened. Chandler sluggishly walked in, dragging his roll-away suitcase behind him.   
  
  
  
"Hey, sweetie," Monica said, sashaying up to him and wrapping her arms around him. She kissed him hard, but his only response was a half- hearted smooch.  
  
  
  
"Hey," Chandler replied unenthusiastically.   
  
  
  
"How was the flight?" Monica asked, pressing herself up against her husband, but he didn't budge, just slouched over.  
  
  
  
"Eh," Chandler answered.   
  
  
  
Okay, Monica thought. On to plan B. "Do you want some wine?"  
  
  
  
"Not really," Chandler said, walking over to the couch and letting himself fall onto it.  
  
  
  
"What?" Monica asked, surprised. Chandler knew what wine meant. "Is something wrong?"  
  
  
  
"Not really, it's just that I'm exhausted," Chandler said, his eyelids drooping. "I was up all night working on a presentation for this morning, and you know I hate flying." He yawned for effect.  
  
  
  
"Oh, but hon," Monica said, walking over to him. "I opened a bottle of wine... lit some candles..." she knelt in front of him. "I've been waiting for you all week," she said in a husky voice.   
  
  
  
"I'm sorry, Mon," Chandler said, giving her a half-smile. "I really do want to..."  
  
  
  
"Then come on," Monica said.   
  
  
  
"I'm too tired, babes, maybe tomorrow night," Chandler said.   
  
  
  
"I have to work late tomorrow!" Monica complained. She climbed up into Chandler's lap. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Monica was going to get some tonight, whether Chandler wanted to or not. "I want to nooo-oow," she mumbled, kissing his neck. She trailed kisses down his chest as she unbuttoned his shirt and tried to slip it off him, simultaneously fumbling for his belt buckle. But Chandler resisted.  
  
  
  
"Mon, please," he moaned. "I'm exhausted. I'll fall asleep during it."  
  
  
  
"I won't let you," Monica promised. She took his hand and eased it under her teddy. Chandler took her head and kissed her again, and then broke apart.  
  
  
  
"I really am sorry, sweetheart," he said, groggily standing up. "But I do need to be here for most of it, and I'm about to fall asleep on my feet. Just come to bed. I promise I'll make it up to you." He kissed her cheek, mumbled a slurred good-night, and went into the bedroom.  
  
  
  
"Sure you will," Monica mumbled, pouring the wine down the drain.  
  
  
  
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Rachel entered the room in her short and, quite revealing blue nylon nightie. It was clear by the way she walked across the room to the bed towards Ross, who was typing away on a laptop, what she wanted to do. She crawled in next to him, and began to whisper into his ear.  
  
  
  
"Guess what underwear I'm wearing?" She whispered. Ross looked at her and smiled, but then looked back at his laptop.  
  
  
  
"As much as I would love to, this paper is due tomorrow," The second week in a row. She wouldn't give up that easily.  
  
  
  
"But sweetie, it's been forever." She whined. She pressed her lips to his, shoving her tongue inside his mouth ferociously. But he pulled away.  
  
  
  
"I know, but this is very important," he stressed. Rachel sighed. She would just make him. That's all there was to it. She was tired of fighting him for it, begging. She went back towards his ear, biting his lobe. He smiled and chuckled in a low tone, but snapped out of it.  
  
  
  
"Please Rachel, I need to concentrate."  
  
  
  
"Urg." She groaned. She didn't know why it was like this. She wanted it so badly lately that she could hardly stand it. It was as if ever since she and Ross had gotten back together after Emma, she couldn't get enough of him. And now he wouldn't even put out, because of a stupid paper. Rachel rolled her eyes and stood up, entering the bathroom. She would just have to do it herself.....again. She'd just have to go to bed hot.  
  
  
  
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Monica was slicing and dicing the carrots quite fiercely as Rachel entered her apartment, absorbed in recent disturbing events. Rachel also looked less than thrilled.  
  
  
  
"What's your story?" Monica asked. Rachel scoffed.  
  
  
  
"What story do you want?" Rachel scoffed. "Listen, can I... talk to you about something? It's sort of, ah, personal." She asked. Monica set down her dishrag, having a few things to talk about herself.  
  
  
  
"If it has to do with my brother and your sex life, forget it." She sighed. Rachel was at the sad point of begging.  
  
  
  
"Please Mon, I need someone!" She said clasping her hands together as if she were praying. Monica looked at her and gave in.  
  
  
  
"GO ahead, NO DETAILS." Monica said sternly. Rachel plopped down in a kitchen chair and rested her elbows on the table.  
  
  
  
"Well, it's sort of about Ross and me. Mainly just Ross. And me, I guess, but..."  
  
  
  
"Spit it out, Rach," Monica said exasperatedly.   
  
  
  
"We're not having sex anymore!" Rachel blurted out. Monica raised her eyebrows. "Don't worry, I won't go into any details - it's just, well, Ross and I used to be pretty heated, but now, it's like things are cooling off. I want it, he doesn't. I will, he won't. It's driving me up the freaking wall!" She said whining loudly. Monica sighed. "Oh, and his best excuse is always 'he's too busy!' Last night, we finally got a chance to be alone - the baby was asleep, we were both awake - and he was typing a paper! Seriously, what's more important, his paper, or sex with his girlfriend? Am I doing something wrong?"  
  
  
  
"I don't know what to say. I've been asking myself the same question for weeks." Monica crossed her arms, memories of recent events reappearing in her mind. The one time Rachel doesn't talk about something completely superficial is the one time I could use that. Where's Phoebe when we need her?  
  
  
  
"Waddya' mean?" Rachel asked, confused.  
  
  
  
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not doing too well on the sex front either," Monica sighed.  
  
  
  
"Really? How come?"  
  
  
  
"More of the same, I guess," Monica said. "He's always too tired, or one of us is busy. I mean, last night I was practically in his pants and all he could say was that he was falling asleep."  
  
  
  
"Really? I thought that with him being gone you guys would go crazy over the weekends," Rachel said in a serious tone. Monica shook her head as she got back to her dicing.  
  
  
  
"Nope. He's not even trying. So I know EXACTLY how you feel. Ever since Chandler started going to Tulsa every week, he is so tired from jet lag to, er, uhm, get it up, you know? What is the matter with men these days?"  
  
  
  
"Yeah, have they no respect for a woman's needs? You'd think they were................." Rachel trailed off as realization dawned on both of them. "Are they bored? Is our sex.................. not good enough anymore?"  
  
  
  
Monica's eyes widened in horror. "No," she said quickly. "They wouldn't......... they wouldn't be bored with us.............would they?"  
  
  
  
"I - I don't really know," Rachel said quietly. Both women were silent as they pondered this prospect.   
  
  
  
"Well, what do we do? We can't live like this it's..........it's, it's unnatural is what it is," she coaxed. Monica sat at her table.  
  
  
  
"Maybe we need to, uh............spice things up?" Monica suggested tentatively.  
  
  
  
"How could we do that?" Rachel asked.   
  
  
  
"Well, there are other things we can do," she began. Rachel sat giving her full attention to Monica, who's mind was obviously working feverishly.  
  
  
  
"Yea?"  
  
  
  
"Like, props," she said simply. Rachel just stared for a long moment.  
  
  
  
"Props? As in play props?"  
  
  
  
"Well, you can play with the props." Monica smiled. Rachel grinned too.  
  
  
  
"And food." She nodded. Monica's eyes glistened.  
  
  
  
"Food? Yea. I'm going to try that," she said standing up and rummaging through a her refrigerator. Rachel sighed.  
  
  
  
"Ross would never go for food." She said dejectedly.  
  
  
  
"How do you know?" Monica asked.  
  
  
  
"Please, I am a TERRIBLE cook! Unless he would like to eat a Beef Trifle." She joked. Monica smiled to herself.  
  
  
  
"Role Play!" She shouted. Rachel jumped by Monica's sudden burst of energy that she should have been used to by now. "Yea, like, he's the naughty little boy......:"  
  
  
  
"So I am a pedophile?" Rachel asked flatly. Monica glared at her.  
  
  
  
"No. Just sex things up. Like, Cops and robbers, doctor and patient. He could be the sailor, you could be the wench, he could be the shrink, you could be the mobster... You know the drill. " Monica laughed.  
  
  
  
"Sure. For all I know if I sucked on a bone Ross would jump for that." She joked, standing up and getting ready to, leave. Monica sat back.  
  
  
  
"Oh, and Rach? This conversation never happened," she stated. Rachel nodded.  
  
  
  
"Agreed." HEY HEY HEY! This is MsAmericanPie, (XOXOELIZABETHXOXO) and JenniGllerBing (Jenni!) We hope you enjoyed Chapter one! HEY! E-MAIL US AT RossNChandlersGurls88@yahoo.com and we should write back! We love you, and be patient with this fic!!!! 


	2. You are the Weakest Kink, Goodbye

"The Dry Spell"  
  
Monica opened the door to her apartment the next day and was surprised to find it empty. Where was Chandler? She set her grocery bags on the kitchen table and saw a note on the fridge.   
  
Mon,  
  
Went to the movies with Joey. Be back around 7:00.  
  
Chandler  
  
Monica looked up at the clock. It was twenty to seven. She smiled - perfect. She had just the right amount of time to get ready. She quickly put the eggs and milk in the fridge. Then she went into the bedroom and pulled off her jeans, blouse, bra and undies. Out of the bag she'd brought into the bedroom she pulled a can of whipped cream. She sprayed whipped cream over her nipples and lower area, grinning at the tantalizing effect.   
  
She inspected the other items in the bag. Chocolate sauce and maraschino cherries - she was going to be a human hot fudge sundae! She put the cherries in a bowl next to the bed and set out the chocolate sauce. Then she pulled the comforter off the bed and pulled the last item out of the bag. Trojan condoms- Her Pleasure.   
  
Damn right, Monica thought triumphantly. It's all about 'her pleasure.'   
  
She finished straightening up the room and lay on the bed, twisting her body in a seductive way. A few minutes later she heard the door open and shut.   
  
"Monica?" Chandler called.   
  
"In he-ere," she sing-songed. Chandler opened the door and his jaw dropped.   
  
"Hey, baby.''  
  
"Hell-ooo," he stammered. "What is all this?"  
  
"Well, you said you would make up for last night," Monica said. "So get over here." Chandler stared at her for a few seconds longer before hurrying over to her and pulling off his shoes and unbuckling his pants.   
  
Before he even got his pants off, Monica pulled him down onto the bed and quickly pulled his shirt off. They started kissing, and then Chandler moved his mouth down to her breasts, where he slowly sucked off the whipped cream. Monica shivered in delight, her loins growing warm.  
  
But they weren't done yet. Monica remembered her need to spice things up. She took out the chocolate sauce and told Chandler to lie down on the bed with his eyes closed. He cocked his head but did as he was told. Slowly, Monica poured a stream of chocolate all over his body. She then climbed on top of him and licked it off, moving her tongue around in circles.  
  
It was then that she realized some of the chocolate sauce and the whipped cream were on the sheets - her beautiful satin sheets. She tried to ignore it as he put chocolate sauce on her own body and pulled out the rest of the food. Chandler started kissing her neck again, and they climbed into the bed. Chandler pulled the comforter over them, and soon it was smeared with dark chocolate, whipped cream, and squished cherries. Just as she and Chandler were about to make love, Monica pushed the comforter away.  
  
"Wait!" she cried in dismay. "It's too dirty! I just cleaned this!"  
  
"Calm down! We can wash it later," Chandler said, pulling her back under the covers.  
  
"No, the stains will set in. These are my good sheets! Get up!" she cried, preparing to strip the beds of it's linens  
  
"Monica, if you didn't want to get your sheets dirty, why did you bring the food in here?'' Chandler asked, standing up and crossing his arms.  
  
"Because... because I wanted to... oh, never mind!" Monica picked up all the sheets and hurried out to the living room, where there was a basket for dirty clothes.   
  
"You have chocolate sauce on your butt!" Chandler called after her.   
  
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Rachel set up the bedroom in as dim and seductive setting as she could. Red cloths over the lamps giving off a pink glow to the room, candles. She was going to get into his pants tonight. No matter what. She pulled out all of her lotions as she could; she even took out this stuff that she bought that with Monica. It was in a green jar, and it tasted wonderful and sweet. The point was to lick it off of one another, but she hoped that she could even get to that form of foreplay. With the way Ross was acting, she just didn't know anymore.  
  
Rachel heard the keys jingling in the door. This was it, just about time for Ross to give up his lent and make love to her. She straightened her black teddy and leaned back on the bed. Rose pedals were everywhere. She listened.  
  
"Rachel, where are you?" He said loud enough for her to hear. She smiled maliciously.  
  
"In here, baby." She growled. Ross walked right pass the open door to the bedroom, then backtracked, his eyes widening as he peered in.  
  
"Wh-what's all this?" He asked uncomfortably. Rachel got up onto her knees, motioning for him to enter.  
  
"I thought we needed a little more, ahem, sex." She finished. Ross smiled awkwardly.  
  
"Ah, Rach, you know how I feel about... objects." He finished. Rachel had forgotten how old-fashioned Ross was. He never used stuff in bed. (KY jelly, whips, food.) To him sex was a personal, loving thing. She brushed it off.  
  
"Stop being a pussy and screw me." She said flatly. Ross' jaw dropped.  
  
"Oh, I love it when you're naughty." He said in the same tone. Both were getting more annoyed than aroused. Ross set his briefcase down.  
  
"Well?" She asked, trying again to set the mood. "Is this doing anything for you?" She asked as she rubbed her stomach and neck sexily, She began to lick her fingers and flipped her hair like something out of "Baywatch". Ross looked at her sweetly.  
  
"Honey, you don't need to go all out and stuff to get me motivated. All I need is you." He said pulling her near him. She smiled and kissed him gently.  
  
"Shut up and let's do it." She said in a dominating manner, pulling him to the bed. Rachel sat on her knees towards Ross' feet and straddled his legs. Ross smiled as he took her arms and pulled her down on top of him. Things were getting heated as Rachel took one of his hands without him noticing, and pulled it to the pole of the bed, where she hand cuffed him. Ross stopped kissing her and looked into her eyes.  
  
"Please tell me you did NOT just do that." He said simply. Rachel smiled.  
  
"But Ross, you've been such a BAD boy." She smiled, taking his other hand and placing it on her breast, moving it around for him since he wasn't.  
  
"Okay, let me go." He said a bit annoyed, motioning with his free hand towards the pole. Rachel shook her head.  
  
"But then you would be free, and I am in charge here as-" She lifted her leg revealing a garter belt with a badge attached. "Detective Lovett" She said softly, letting the words just roll off of her tongue. She looked at him. He looked confused. "Can you at least play along?" She whispered. He stuttered, and she climbed off of him. "If you don't, I will leave you here, like this, and I go over to Joey's and-"  
  
"Rachel, wait!" He started.  
  
"Seriously, Ross, I WANT IT! If you don't give it to me I will find someone who will and Joey-"  
  
"I HAVE been a bad boy!" He said loudly. "A very VERY BAD boy!" Rachel started laughing.  
  
"That's the best you can do?" She asked. Ross shrugged absently. "Okay." She climbed back on top of him opening his shirt and licking down his stomach. She got his pants off to where he was only in his boxers with his work shirt wide open, and was about to get her groove on. Ross stopped her.  
  
"Rach, it's hot in here." He said simply.  
  
"Hell yea it is." She said continuing.  
  
"No, Rachel! The lamp is on fire!" He yelled. Rachel hurried over to the lamp where the red cloth had been over the lamp and began patting at it with a towel. Finally, she got it out, and then ran over to the other one to get the cloth off just in case. She sat on the end of the bed, when a shrill yelling came from the other room. Both looked at one another simultaneously.  
  
"That would be Emma." He said, gasping for air. Rachel sighed.  
  
"I'll get her." She sighed. She took one last look at Ross before leaving the room.  
  
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Monica walked sluggishly into Rachel and Ross's apartment. Rachel was feeding Emma on the couch.  
  
"Hey," she said.   
  
"Hey," Monica replied, sitting down on the couch. "How'd things go for you last night?''  
  
"The room was on fire-"  
  
"Wo-ow." Monica said teasingly.  
  
"No, literally! The lamp set on fire!" She sighed. Monica made a face.  
  
"Sorry. What about everything else?"  
  
"Awful," Rachel moaned. "You're brother is the worst actor in the world! You know that time we saw Joey in the play where he was the shrink? The musical?" Monica winced and nodded. That had been a painful night. "Okay, well, multiply that by TWENTY and you have what happened last night. THEN Emma started crying, and since he was handcuffed to the bed, I had to go and get her. BIG mistake. While I was gone, he somehow got a hold of his cell phone when it rang. He had to go to the school to fix a mistyped grade he posted!"  
  
"That bad?"  
  
"Let's just say I have new respect for strippers," Rachel groaned. "What about you? How did the food go?"  
  
"Well, we didn't quite do it," Monica said, her face turning pink. "I got all the stuff out and put it on me..."  
  
"Yeah? And?"  
  
"And then I got up to wash the sheets!" she cried desperately.  
  
"Monica," Rachel admonished her. "You didn't have sex because you wanted to wash the sheets?"  
  
"They had chocolate sauce all over them!" she said. "I had to get them out before it stained. And then Chandler said he wasn't in the mood anymore, the big sissy!"  
  
"So we were a big hit last night," Rachel said sarcastically.  
  
"Rach, is it just going to be impossible for us now? Are we never going to have hot, steamy, beginning of relationship sex again?" She said in a scared tone. Rachel stared off into space for a moment.  
  
"I hope no! 'Cuz Ross used to do this one motion with his tongue where he would-"  
  
"Rachel!" Monica scolded.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, but it's true! Ross is ABSOLUTLY good with the oral stuff." She said. "WE are failing Mon!" She whined.  
  
"Yea, but it wasn't our fault! It was totally the men!"  
  
"You're right!" Rachel exclaimed, causing poor Emma to jump. "It was totally them! They don't understand a thing about women. Emma, I want you to promise me that you will make you're man have sex with you whenever you want it, okay? Nod yes for Mommy." Rachel gently moved her daughter's head back and forth. "We should make them pay!"  
  
"How?" Monica asked.  
  
"Well..." Rachel began. She paused for a moment, and then snapped. "Let's not have sex for as long as possible! Make them beg for it!"  
  
"Isn't that sort of like self-torture?" Monica asked doubtfully.   
  
"We can always..... please ourselves!" Rachel said.   
  
"It just doesn't seem worth it." Monica began.  
  
"Oh, none of this is WORTH is Mon! Is it worth our time and energy and money to try and please THEM?" She asked. Monica shook her head. Rachel covered Emma's ears as if it would make a difference. "And believe me, make up sex is always the best, especially when they've gone for so long without the real thing. They'll be begging to please US for a change!"  
  
"But how will we keep busy and focused? What will give us a goal?" Monica asked.  
  
"I guess nothing." Rachel said after a moment, saddened that her idea didn't pan out as well as she'd wanted it to.  
  
"Unless we put money on it!" Monica said excitedly.  
  
"What do you mean?" Rachel asked with new interest.  
  
"I bet you $100 that I can go longer without sex than you can," Monica said.  
  
"Ha! With Chandler? No offense, Mon, but your husband is a sex addict," Rachel scoffed.  
  
"So are you and Ross! Remember the beginning of your relationship? Hell, you guys did it even when you WEREN'T together!" she accused. "But I have my ways with Chandler. Come on, Rach. Whoever has sex first has to cough it up. Sort of like an incentive for us to torture them." She held out her hand.  
  
"As crazy as this is - Monica Bing, you have a deal," Rachel said, shaking her friend's hand vigorously.   
  
Let the games begin.  
  
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End Of Chapter Two! We love you! We hope you are enjoying it! More soon! 


	3. JUST SAY NO! to sex?

The Dry Spell  
  
Monica was okay for a few days while Chandler was in Tulsa. According to Rachel, Ross was already making advances, but she was denying him at every corner. Monica couldn't wait to do it to Chandler. As much as she loved him, he deserved to have a little bit of suffering.  
  
A day before Chandler got home, (three days later,) she asked Rachel exactly what "sex" was. Could they mess around, make out, et cetera et cetera?  
  
"Nothing oral," Rachel warned. "But you can make out, I guess. I wouldn't, though. It might be too much for you guys to handle..." a small smile crept across her face. "Actually, then, go ahead! Hey, I was thinking about something earlier - you have it easier with Chandler in Tulsa! I've got the temptation sharing my bed! That's not very fair."  
  
"It's just the opposite," Monica said truthfully. "We usually go crazy he is home, so it'll be really tough to not do it tomorrow when he gets home."  
  
And it was. Monica was sitting placidly on the couch when Chandler got home the next afternoon, reading a magazine with ESPN on in the background. Maybe if Chandler were distracted by the Knicks - Lakers game, he'd forget about sex.  
  
But Monica had no such luck.  
  
"Hey, baby," Chandler called as he entered the door.  
  
"Hi," Monica said, staying on the couch. Chandler came immediately over to her and gave her a long kiss, cupping her face in his hands. "How was the flight?"  
  
''Miserable," Chandler said. "I just wanted to get home to you."  
  
"Mmhmm," Monica said, pulling away slightly as he leaned forward again.  
  
"So.... wanna continue what we started last week? Maybe we could strip the bed this time," Chandler suggested with a smile.  
  
"Uh, not tonight," Monica said, avoiding eye contact. She saw Chandler freeze.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't know, I'm not really in the mood." Monica suppressed a smile at the irony of the statement - she had never been in such a mood. Chandler's very presence next to her was making her feel like she was on fire.  
  
"You're - you're not - you're not - what?" Chandler stammered. His jaw dropped. "But honey... I've been in Tulsa... I've missed you!" He started to nuzzle her neck, and she tried to seize her muscles up to she wouldn't shiver. "Didn't you miss me?"  
  
"Of course, I'm just not in the mood. I had a long day," Monica explained. Chandler stared at her for a few seconds before catapulting at her and kissing her again. She kissed him back, forgetting the bet, as she got lost in her husband's lips. Then he reached under her shirt and fumbled for her bra strap - and it all came rushing back. She pushed him away. "I'm sorry, Chandler, but I think I'm just going to go to bed." She stood up and yawned for effect. She pecked Chandler on the cheek and went into the bedroom, not daring to turn around and look at him for fear she would throw herself in his lap and make love until they both exploded.  
  
When she got there, she leaned against the door, breathing heavily. That had been close. Monica had been this far to going all the way with Chandler, and then she would have lost the bet. She would not lose. Monica Bing never lost at anything.  
  
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Rachel sat reading a book in bed; something boring rather than her "other" books that usually got her in the mood in the first place. Ross climbed into bed and yawned. He was very tired, and nowhere near up to fighting Rachel off again tonight. But, he didn't have to. She didn't even try. This struck him as odd, but he gratefully rolled over and closed his eyes.  
  
Moments passed and Rachel was still reading her book, noticing that Ross had been tossing and turning for the last few minutes. Something was seriously bugging him. She smiled. 'Now you know how it feels.' She thought as she licked her finger and turned the page. She looked at her clock; it was only 9:00. She read the word 'erect' (used in a totally different way she thought it could be used.) in her book and fought down the urge to wake Ross up. She needed to keep busy. She was going to beat Monica at something, for once.  
  
Finally Ross sat up. Rachel looked at him.  
  
"What's the matter?" Rachel asked in a concerned voice. Ross shook his head and folded his arms, leaning against the headboard. Rachel smiled at him and looked back at her book. He leaned over towards her and pressed himself against her.  
  
"Whatcha readin'?" He asked in a boyish tone. Rachel looked at him.  
  
"War and Peace." She said blandly. Ross nodded and stared at the book.  
  
"You want to have sex?" He asked. Rachel looked at him and shook her head.  
  
"No, not really." Rachel said happily. Ross moved away slowly.  
  
"Yea, me neither." He said as if it were true. After a moment, he found he was drawn to her once again. He kissed her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. Rachel grinned.  
  
"Stop-pit!" She said flirtatiously, hoping to lead him on and leave him there. He backed away.  
  
"Hey Rach, we never finished what we started a few nights ago." He tried again.  
  
"I know. But, I'm at a really good part in this book and...." Ross peered over her shoulder and looked at the words.  
  
"Hey, Rach, what does 'premonitory' mean?" He asked, pointing to the word in the book, trying to prove that he knew she wasn't really reading. Rachel closed it as hard as she could on his fingers. "OUCH!" He yelped.  
  
"Good night." She said leaning away from him on her side of the bed. It wasn't going to be easy, but she would do it.  
  
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Rachel walked into Monica's and slammed the door. Phoebe, who was on the couch jumped.  
  
"What's wrong, Rach?" She asked. Rachel groaned.  
  
"Where's Monica?" She asked.  
  
"She's getting a load of laundry. Why?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"URG! It's this stupid bet we agreed on. We were sick of our guys not putting out, so we decided to make them suffer and not get any sex until one of us caves in." She sighed.  
  
"Who's idea was it?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"It was both of ours. But I don't want to lose! I want to beat Monica at something!" She sighed. Phoebe set down her cup and walked towards Rachel who was banging her head into the wall. "That hurts." Rachel said after hitting it too hard.  
  
"Then beat her." Phoebe coaxed. Rachel sighed.  
  
"It's not that simple. Monica will do anything to win! I bet she'll sleep with Chandler and then lie and say she didn't!" She whined.  
  
"Oh! Oh! I know!" Phoebe said happily. "I'll be your spy."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yea! I'll ask her if she's done it with him and pretend like I don't know about the whole thing! Monica tells me everything." She said nodding.  
  
"Phoebe! That's brilliant! I'm going to go home right now and beat her at her own game!" Rachel said triumphantly. As she exited, Monica entered.  
  
"Hey Pheebs. What did Rachel want?" Monica asked.  
  
"Um, nothing." Phoebe said with bad acting. Monica shrugged it off.  
  
"Okay! I am going to tell you about the bet."  
  
"I know about the bet." Phoebe said.  
  
"HOW?" Monica asked. Phoebe thought for a moment.  
  
"I'm psychic." She said finally.  
  
"Okay, since you know, I want you to be-"  
  
"Your spy?" She asked. Monica just stared.  
  
"Okay, you're really creeping me out now." She said. "Will you?"  
  
"Absolutely. I'll be like, a Bond girl." She said in her usually ditzy way. Then Phoebe got up, humming the James Bond theme. She was a double agent.  
  
Sorry so short!  
  
Elizabeth AND Jenni 


	4. Advice from the Sex God

The Dry Spell  
  
  
  
  
  
Chandler slouched down onto the ratty orange couch in Central Perk. Joey and Ross were also there, Joey with a muffin, Ross with Emma.  
  
  
  
He spontaneously wondered if his friends were having sex. Well, Joey was, naturally; the man had sex more than a dog in heat. And Ross probably was too - rumor had it (well, with the person spreading the rumor being Phoebe) that since he and Rachel had finally hooked up, they were little sex fiends.   
  
  
  
So then it was just him. For some reason, Monica hadn't been in the mood lately. Chandler had calculated that she was ovulating the week before, but she hadn't made a single move. In fact, he seemed to be resisting him more and more fervently, insisting she was "way too tired" or "totally not in the mood."   
  
  
  
Chandler was pulled from his thoughts as Ross sighed heavily. He and Joey looked up, but did not say anything.  
  
  
  
Ross sighed again.  
  
  
  
"What is it, Ross?" Chandler droned.  
  
  
  
"Do you guys ever... uh... go through dry spells?" he asked, looking uncomfortable. Chandler's jaw dropped.  
  
  
  
"Psht, no," Joey said, waving his hand dismissively. "Why - problems in the bedroom?"  
  
  
  
"Kinda," Ross said. "It's just - well, when we do it, it is good, you know? But in the past, I don't know....two weeks or so? Nothing. She hasn't even suggested it. I want to think it's because of Emma." He said setting her down into her carrier.  
  
  
  
"You're kidding!" Chandler burst out. He reddened as Joey and Ross looked at him. "It's just... I've been going through the same thing with Monica!"  
  
  
  
"What - a dry spell?" Joey asked.  
  
  
  
"No, Joey, Monica and I secretly had a baby and THAT'S why we're not having sex!" He spat sarcastically. "Yes a dry spell! I've come home from Tulsa like three times, and she never wants to do it! Before, she would be in my pants the moment I walked through the - "  
  
  
  
"Dude, she's my little sister?" Ross interrupted, looking disturbed.  
  
  
  
"Sorry; but you get the picture!" Chandler covered his eyes with his hand.  
  
  
  
"No see, I don't WANT to get the picture." Ross said after a long pause. Meanwhile, Joey was close to hysterics. "C'mon, Joe, just because you've slept with the entire Tri-state area - " Ross started again.  
  
  
  
"Would you guys just ask for help?" Joey said.  
  
  
  
Chandler looked at Ross, and then yelled, "No! We will not ask for help."  
  
  
  
"Yes you will."  
  
  
  
"Will not."  
  
  
  
"You will."  
  
  
  
"Nope."  
  
  
  
"If either of you ever want to get laid again, you'll ask me how you do it." Joey looked triumphantly from one desperate face to the other.   
  
  
  
"Joey, please tell us how to get our women in bed, O sex god of the east village," Ross deadpanned.  
  
  
  
"I knew you'd break," Joey said, leaning forward with a smile. "All right. Well you already know about the success of the Europe story, but as they know that neither one of you would ever backpack in the foothills of Mount Tipidabo, we may need to try a different tactic."  
  
  
  
"Yea. I know the success of that." Ross added, pointing to Emma.  
  
  
  
"Okay. First of all, how are you guys suggesting it?" Joey asked. Chandler and Ross shrugged and mumbled.  
  
  
  
"I just said that I want to." Chandler said.  
  
  
  
"Yea. Me too." Ross added.  
  
  
  
"THAT'S problem number one: You need to make them feel like there is no one else you would want to do it with. Not even Courtney Cox, or, or, Jennifer Aniston. You want THEM." Joey began.  
  
  
  
"Well, I always thought Monica was prettier than Courtney Cox." Chandler said simply.  
  
  
  
"Yea, and Rachel looks way better than Jennifer-" Ross began.  
  
  
  
"Not the point guys." Joey interrupted. "The point is, they are the only women in your life that you want. Rule number two: pretend like every time is your first time! I'm sure that Rachel and Monica both remember their first times with you." Joey said. "It was special to them."  
  
  
  
"Well, I'm not sure about Monica. She was pretty drunk........."Chandler stopped after receiving an evil glair from Ross.  
  
  
  
"It has to be special, romantic, every time. No matter how intense or, or, hot it gets-" Joey stopped as both glared at him then.  
  
  
  
"Joey, we haven't had sex in months, dude. Let's skip the details." Ross said flatly. Chandler nodded.  
  
  
  
"Got it." Joey said. "Now, try something to set the mood. Candles, wine, roses. All that junk. Once they see how hard you tried, they will be all over you. You should know that Ross, your a girl." Joey said. Ross looked as though he was going to say something, and then leaned back a little instead.  
  
  
  
"Huh." Chandler said. "I can't believe it. That actually makes sense."  
  
  
  
"What else?" Ross said taking out a notepad and a pen from Emma's diaper bag. Chandler stared at him.  
  
  
  
"Teacher! Ross is cheating!" Chandler joked. Ross glared. "Seriously, what the hell is that?" Chandler asked.  
  
  
  
"My memo book." Ross said simply. Chandler stared at him for a long moment.  
  
  
  
"C-c-come on, give me a piece." He said waiting for Ross to rip out a piece of paper. Ross did so.  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry. You guys are sad." Joey said laughing. "No wonder you can't get laid. You're geeks. I bet you guys are even going to make it into a bet." Joey joked. Ross and Chandler looked at one another.  
  
  
  
"Why not?" Chandler asked.  
  
  
  
"Yea, it would help keep my mind off of the lack of sex." Ross added.  
  
  
  
"I can't believe you are making it into a bet!" Joey exclaimed. Both ignored him.  
  
  
  
"Okay, whoever's first to make their woman crack, gets oh........100 dollars and his dignity!" Chandler said. Ross shook his head.  
  
  
  
"You lost that a long time ago, dude." He joked. "Okay. I take your hundred and raise it another hundred. 200 Dollars." He said.  
  
  
  
"You're on." Chandler shook his hand. Joey leaned over to Ross' ear.  
  
  
  
"Hey, Phoebe told me about you and Rachel." Joey said nodding. "I'm on your side, you little devil."  
  
  
  
"I heard that!" Chandler said hurt.  
  
  
  
"I said it loud." Joey said rolling his eyes.  
  
  
  
"Just go!" Chandler shouted. Joey shook his head and continued.  
  
  
  
"Next. Focus on THEM. Listen to what they are saying. Faster. Slower. Harder. That helps. Usually when you are doing a chick, you're usually too busy making yourself feel good to focus on what they want. You know, women are very self-conscious in bed. They are afraid to ask for you to please them. So you know how you could let them know you want them to feel good?" Joey asked.  
  
  
  
"No" Ross and Chandler said in unison.  
  
  
  
"ASK'EM!" Joey said loudly. "Oh, and give 'em oral." He nodded.  
  
  
  
)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((((((((((  
  
  
  
Ross entered his apartment with Emma and a few bags in hand. Emma was sleeping, and Rachel was out, so he began to 'prepare.' He was going to make her a great meal, set up the house so it looked like a fairytale, and wait for her to get home. He even called Phoebe, and she was going to be over in a little bit to pick Emma up. He knew this would work out perfectly. Rachel would cave and he would win the bet. He deserved it. The doorbell rang. He walked over to it and opened the door.  
  
  
  
"Hey Pheebs." He said walking back towards the living room. Phoebe looked around.  
  
  
  
"OoOoh. Someone wants some." She sang. Ross grinned.  
  
  
  
"Here's Emma's diaper bag, her bottles, her formula, her blankie, her bath soap, her teddy, her Tylenol, her toys, her schedule, her carrier. Oh, and Emma." He finished. Phoebe had handfuls of stuff to carry. She looked at Ross desperately.  
  
  
  
"Is there, uh, anyway Emma can fit in her diaper bag?" She asked.  
  
  
  
"No, and that's illegal." Ross said staring at her.  
  
  
  
"Not even if we like, zip her into it so no one can see her?" She asked. Ross looked very scared. He was starting to have second thoughts about Phoebe watching her. He should have called Monica to watch her. That way, Chandler and Monica wouldn't have been able to have sex meaning that he would win. Oh, Phoebe was fine.  
  
  
  
"How about I just carry some of the stuff to your car, huh?" He asked.  
  
  
  
"Oh! That works too!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Rachel sat at her desk at work typing away. The phone rang.  
  
  
  
"Rachel Green how can I help you?" She asked in a professional voice.  
  
  
  
"Rach? It's me! Phoebe!" Phoebe said desperately.  
  
  
  
"Pheebs? What's wrong?" She asked.  
  
  
  
"Nothing, but listen, when you come home tonight, Ross has a huge dinner and candles and wine! You need to brace yourself! Remember yours and Monica's bet?" She asked frantically. Rachel's heart fell. She had no clue how she was going to turn Ross down.  
  
  
  
"Oh no!" She said. "I'm guessing he gave Emma to you?" She asked. Phoebe said yes. "Okay, okay. What's an excuse?" She asked. "How can I get out of this?"  
  
  
  
"Um..OH! Say-say that you're possessed and that if you have sex, you'll have to kill him!" She suggested. Rachel was silent for a long time.  
  
  
  
"Bye Pheebs." She said before hanging up. Rachel looked at her watch and saw that she was off in ten minutes. She leaned back and figured out how to change Ross' mind...  
  
"ACHOOOO!" Rachel sneezed as she entered the candle lit living Room. When she saw all of the stuff he had done just for her, she felt her heart sink again. She wanted to badly repay him for all of his hard work. She remembered the bet and coughed loudly. Ross came out to the living room.  
  
"Welcome----home." He said slowly after seeing Rachel. Her hair was nappy and frizzy; she had a tissue in hand and loads of papers. "Rach? You okay?" He asked. Rachel put on her best sick act possible. She closed her eyes wearily and collapsed onto the couch.  
  
"My head." She whined in a nasally voice. "I have the worst sinuses." Rachel coughed. "I just want to take some Tylenol and go to sleep." She sighed. Ross looked around the room dejectedly. If she were that sick he wasn't going to fight for it. That would end in a fight. Ross sat beside her and hugged her.  
  
"Okay. I'll get you some soup. Emma's out with Phoebe for the night. Just relax." He said comfortingly. Rachel didn't want to seen like she wasn't acknowledging the fact that he had set everything up to perfectly.  
  
"Ross did you do something in here? It looks wonderful." She said. Ross smiled.  
  
"Yea, it was...... it was nothing." He finished with a forced smile. He went to kiss her lightly, and Rachel knew that if she let him, she would give in. So she sneezed on him.  
  
*****************************  
  
Monica stopped outside the door to her apartment. She could feel her heart pounding and her whole body sweating at the prospect of seeing Chandler. She was hot. Which wasn't surprising - she'd been hot every single second of every single day for the past three weeks, since the bet was made. It was torture. Monica was starting to regret making this stupid bet with Rachel.  
  
But her own pain and anxiousness made her want to win even more. Unfortunately, that didn't make the horniness any easier to handle. She's just have to do her best at pretending she was too tired to have sex. Then she could go into her bedroom, and....  
  
Thank God for vibrators.  
  
She opened the door and went inside. Then second she stepped into the apartment, she could tell something was up. There was a strange smell in the air... the smell of disinfectant. And things were different - moved, disturbed. It struck her suddenly. Chandler had been cleaning.  
  
"Chandler?" she called. "Honey, are you here?"  
  
Chandler came out of the bathroom wearing only a robe. "Hey, baby, how was work?" He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her lightly.  
  
"Ugh, exhausting," she said automatically. Chandler's face fell a little. "I just want to eat something and go to sleep." She pried herself away from him and started towards the bathroom. This is not going to be easy, she thought.  
  
*************  
  
This is not going to be easy, Chandler thought as Monica slipped from his arms.   
  
"Listen, Mon, I thought maybe, since this is my last night before I go back to Tulsa, we could... heat things up a bit," he suggested. "So I took the liberty of drawing us - "  
  
"A bath?" Monica called from inside the bathroom. Chandler entered the bathroom behind her. He'd filled a bath with warm water and even used bubble bath. Two glasses of champagne sat on the counter. "Oh, honey. This is really sweet. But I'm just - too tired."  
  
"You don't even have to do anything!" he moaned, turning her around to face him. "Look, I'll do everything for you. Anything you want - just say the word. I love you, babes, and I want you to be happy."  
  
Monica stared up at him with wide eyes, her mouth slightly open. Chandler saw this as an opportunity and grabbed her in a hungry kiss.  
  
*************  
  
For a minute, Monica let herself be lost in Chandler's kiss. God, she loved when he kissed her like that. He trailed kisses down her neck, started to unbutton her shirt...  
  
"Wait!" she called, pushing him away. "We can't... right now."  
  
"Why not? it's not - that time of the month, is it? It's too early," Chandler stated, confused. Oh, that's great. My husband has him menstrual cycle down to a science, Monica thought.  
  
"No, uh..." Monica trailed off. Think, Monica, think! "I have to... I have... an infection!" she shouted.   
  
Chandler retreated a step. Monica smiled inwardly.   
  
"An infection?" he asked dubiously. "What kind of infection?"  
  
"Just... an infection. Why? You want to know the details?" Monica asked.   
  
"No!" Chandler said quickly. "No, no, no! Not at all. Sorry, hon. Okay. I'm just going to go... do something." Chandler quickly walked away.  
  
Monica smiled and leaned back against the cabinet. She waited for a second, trying to calm her hormones down so she wouldn't be tempted to jump in Chandler's lap as she walked through the living room.  
  
"Night, hon," she said, walking briskly towards her bedroom.  
  
"Eh," Chandler replied. Monica got to her bedroom and shut the door. On second thought, she locked it.  
  
Now where is that damn vibrator?  
  
Jenni and XOXOElizabethXOXO 


	5. Strange Vibrations:

The Dry Spell  
  
(a/n: Okay, Two chicks TOTALLY undermined this fic, so, Jenni and I have some things to say : ) : (Don't you love that?) Jenni: To our two less-then-loving reviewers (you know who you are): We're sorry that this fic "isn't believable" or "pretty messed up" or (and I'm sure all our avid readers will scream) "BOOOORING" - but you're right on one thing... it's "just a story." It's not supposed to be believable, and it's not supposed to be orthodox. So if you don't like this fic, you may tell us so in a POLITE review - that is, if you really do respect us. Or, better yet, just don't read it at all! And to our readers who like this fic - thank you! We love you two! *mwah*  
  
Elizabeth: First of all, if you are too immature to handle that, please leave now. LOL. Second of all, the point of reviewing is for compliments and constructive criticism. Telling us that the fic is messed up and boring REALLY isn't the way to HELP the fic, now is it? We respect ALL of the readers, and we love you all who have read along and laughed with us, (Because hell, it was a blast to write.) But please, if you are going to be rude, just stop reading the fic and move on. We really don't want to hear it. Oh, and Courtney, yea, It's an A/U fic, it's NOT REAL! LOL:  
  
))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))(((((((((((((((((((((((((( (((((((((((((((((9  
  
  
  
Chandler woke up the next morning more frustrated than before. For all he knew, Ross had already gotten some and more last night. He found a note from Monica taped to his hand (she'd started doing that since he'd lost four notes in a row).  
  
"Chandler- Went to get coffee with the girls, be back soon. Love, Me"  
  
Well, little did Chandler know, Monica had to go shopping to calm down her raging hormones. He reluctantly crawled out of bed and yawned, then smiled and pulled the note off his head. Since it was only 7:00 am and Rachel was with Mon, it calmed him down. Rachel and Ross couldn't have spent all night having sex if she were up that early.  
  
He went to the closet and opened it, looking for a pair of pants to wear. Chandler pulled out a shirt, a pair of pants, and his tan shoes. His hands were so full, he dropped one of his shoes, and it disappeared under the bed. Grumbling to himself, Chandler bent down to pick it up. While looking under the bed, something caught his hand. It felt like a.........cucumber? He picked it up and studied it, not knowing what it was. "ARRGG!!!" He screamed. He hurried out to Joey who was in the kitchen. Joey turned around with bed head and his eyes widened. He began to laugh hysterically. "Joey! What the HELL is this?!"  
  
"It's... it's... it's...." He gasped for air. "MONICA'S VIBRATOR!" He finally yelled before he lost his breath again. Chandler looked at the smooth object in his hand.  
  
"AARGH!" Chandler screamed again, spontaneously throwing the vibrator away from himself.  
  
Right at that moment, Ross entered the apartment. He had just entered when an object was hurled toward him. Not knowing what it was at first, he caught it. He looked down and screamed in the most girlish scream ever heard! He hurled it back at Chandler, who fumbled over it, throwing it to Joey. Joey threw it back to Chandler, and Chandler threw it toward Ross, who had collapsed into a nearby kitchen chair. It hit Ross in the forehead and bounced into his lap, where he stared at it for a long time.  
  
"Get... it... off...me," he whispered, as though it were some kind of tarantula instead of merely the device his little sister used to please herself.. "Chandler!" he screamed. The room grew loud as Joey continued to laugh his butt off, eventually falling onto the floor, unable to contain himself. . Chandler ran into the kitchen to find something to pick it up with. He looked towards the counter for some paper towels.  
  
"Where the hell are the paper towels when you need em?" He screamed. He grabbed the tongs out of the drawer. Then he went back to Ross, who looked completely terrified at the vibrator in his lap. Chandler picked up the vibrator with the tongs and held it at an arms length. Joey was still on the floor; laughing so hard he was close to wetting his pants.  
  
Chandler scrambled for something to put the vibrator in. He finally found a Ziploc baggie and opened it with his teeth. He was in the process of putting the baggie when the door opened, and Monica, Phoebe, Rachel, and Emma walked in. Ross was at the sink washing his hands with lots of soap.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT?" Monica screamed. She ran over and grabbed the Ziploc baggie from Chandler's hands. Chandler and Ross stared at her, open-mouthed.  
  
"Do you USE this?" Chandler asked.  
  
"OH! That's the new 7-100! I sooo need an upgrade!" Rachel sighed. Ross shot Rachel an unbelievable look.  
  
"What?!" Ross yelled. Joey continued to laugh, in fact, he ran to the bathroom to keep from peeing his pants. Monica turned bright red and ran from the room.  
  
"I think I have some sort of coupon for Doctor Do-me-a-little's Sex Prop store," Phoebe said, rummaging in her purse. Ross watched them, his eyes widening. Her hurried over to Rachel.  
  
"Uh, Rach-" He said trying to stop her. Phoebe pulled the piece of paper out and handed it to Rachel.  
  
"Ooh, thanks!" Rachel said. Ross took it from her.  
  
"N-n-no." Ross said folding the paper. "You don't need that, Rach." He coaxed. Rachel smiled evilly at him and grabbed the coupon from him.  
  
"Oh yea?" She asked as she shoved it into her purse. Ross tried to get it back and both started bickering, adding to the noise.  
  
"Well, I'm glad everyone enjoyed the show!" Chandler said, running after Monica who hurried to lock herself in her room.  
  
Jenni and Elizabeth 


	6. Temptation is Killin' Me

They Dry Spell  
With the lack of penetration and sex, Ross and Rachel had almost become enemies. Petty fights. Nit picks. Everything about one another just seemed to make the other almost result to murder. But mostly, it was Ross trying and Rachel denying him it in every aspect. Frustrated and randy, both resolved to bickering, and every once in a while huge, blowout fights. All for the lack of sex.  
  
"Ross, I'm heating up some left over soup. Do you want any?" Rachel asked from the kitchen. Since it was 2:00 and she still hadn't eaten, she got something to hold herself over.  
  
"Yea." Ross said from the living room. Rachel began to heat the soup in the microwave. Ross entered the kitchen and kissed her from behind. Rachel's eyes rolled to the back of her head in pure ecstasy, but she quickly pulled away. "You know what?" Ross asked. He didn't wait for an answer. "I think you look a lot better then how sick you were a few days ago. We can maybe, move to the room now." Ross suggested. Rachel, over the past few days had used every excuse NOT to get into bed with Ross. She even had to sleep on the couch the following evening just to stop herself from giving him a pleasant wakeup call.  
  
"No. Emma's going to be awake soon." She reasoned. "Hey, why don't you ever where that coat that I bought you last Christmas?" She asked, changing the subject. Ross turned away.  
  
"No. It's purple! What do you think I am? An idiot?" Ross said.  
  
"I do now!" Rachel shot. "And it's an OFF- RED!" She argued. Ross mimicked her and sat down. Rachel looked at the two bowls of soup. An evil thought crossed her mind. She made sure Ross wasn't looking and bent down, releasing a glop of saliva into his bowl. He brought out the immaturity in her. She smiled and brought it out to him. Ross looked into the bowl and then at Rachel.  
  
"Yea, there's spit in that." He said pushing it away.  
  
"What? No there's not! What do you think I am? A bad girlfriend?"  
  
"I do now." He sighed before looking back at his newspaper. There was a knock at the door and Rachel walked over to answer it. Thankfully, she went to answer it.  
  
"Hey Joe, Hey Pheebs." Rachel greeted. They were there to take Emma over to play with them. Joey came straight in towards the food.  
  
"What's this?" He asked. Rachel and Ross looked at him. "Yea, I know it's a bowl, but what's in it?" Joey asked.  
  
"Mon's chicken noodle soup." Ross enlightened him. Joey looked at Ross' bowl that Rachel had spit in. Immediately, he grabbed a spoon and began to slurp the soup. Rachel was hiding the fact that she was laughing, as was Ross. At least SOME people could brighten their day.  
"Rach, time to go." Ross said impatiently, glancing at his watch. Rachel soon entered the living room from her room. Ross was of course, taken aback when seeing her enter. She had on a short, black skirt and a white, low-cut tank top. Ross smiled at his girlfriend and walked over to her, kissing her lightly on the lips. "I'm sorry about earlier." Ross said. Rachel gave him a light hug. Ross hugged her also, sliding his hands onto her butt. Rachel began to play with his tie.  
  
"I'm sorry for spitting in your soup." She smiled. Ross sighed.  
  
"Can we PLEASE-"  
  
"Not right now." Rachel said walking towards the door grabbing her purse.  
  
"Come on! It will only take me 3 minutes each time!" Ross joked as he pulled her close to him. For the first time since the bet, Rachel let herself get engulfed with her boyfriend. She kissed him back, wrapping her arms around him. But then Monica jumped back into her mind and she stopped.  
  
"We really got to get going." She said as he continued to kiss her neck. She finally pried herself away. Ross fell dejectedly onto the couch, symbolizing that he had been shot down. Rachel laughed. "Ross!" She smiled. "Now."  
  
Monica walked briskly down the street on the way home from work that night. She took up her normal New Yorker pose - staring straight at the ground, ignored fellow pedestrians, watching nothing but the cold gray gravel flash by.   
  
Until she heard the laugh. She froze in her tracks, her stomach feeling like it had been filled with ice.  
  
"Oh - my - Gawd! Monica?"   
  
Monica grimaced. Just what I need, she thought. Pasting a fake smile on her face, she turned to her right.   
  
"Janice."   
  
Janice hurried over to Monica, squealing. "Hello! How are you?"  
  
"I'm great," Monica said through clenched teeth. "What about you? How's the baby?"   
  
"He's adorable," Janice gushed. "The husband on the other hand... he had surgery and got his hearing back, and then a few days later, bam, he was gone." "Oh, how strange," Monica said. Janice missed the sarcasm.   
  
"Oh my Gosh, I am being sooo rude," Janice said. She grabbed the arm of the man behind her, whom Monica had just noticed. He was tall and looked like he was in his late forties, slightly bald, and had the look of a man who had once been very handsome. "Monica, this is Oliver. He's a fantastic lover," Janice said confidentially. Oliver turned slightly pink. "Oliver, this is Monica Bing. Her husband is a fantastic lover." Janice giggled and Monica cringed.   
  
"Wonderful to meet you in these terribly awkward circumstances," Oliver said with a British accent.   
  
"Same here," Monica said.   
  
"We just got back from a little rendezvous in the park," Janice said with a seductive smile.   
  
"Really."   
  
"Yeah..." Janice said. She giggled again, stroking Oliver's arm. Monica resisted the urge to gag. "Well, we'd better go," Janice said finally.   
  
Thank God, Monica thought. "Oh, so soon?"   
  
"Say hi to Bing-a-ling for me."   
  
"Oh, I will," Monica muttered. "Bye." She hurried away from Janice and Oliver. As she strode towards her building, she was struck with a sudden, horrifying thought.   
  
Janice is having a better sex life than I am.  
  
Her mouth dropped open. She had a sudden urge to be home in bed... with Chandler.   
  
This bet is stupid, she thought decisively, picking up the pace as she walked down the street. Is it really worth all this suffering just for a stupid bet... a stupid 50$? But for Rachel to win...   
  
Monica arrived in front of her door. She glared at it, knowing that Chandler was inside, knowing that she had a decision to make. She could hold on for a little longer... a week or two... maybe a month... she could beat Rachel... or she could go have sex.   
  
She opened the door and walked quickly over to Chandler, who was sitting on the couch. "Hey, Mon - " he started - and then she got in his lap and began kissing him.   
  
"Wow," Chandler gasped as they lay in bed a few hours later. "Babe - that was - wow."   
  
"Oh, yeah," Monica mumbled, snuggling into Chandler's chest.   
  
I may have just lost a bet to Rachel... but that was sooo worth it.  
  
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Monica and Rachel lay sprawled out on Monica's couch. One exhausted from fighting her guy, and one exhausted from the night before with her guy. Rachel was the first to talk.  
  
"Mon. I almost can't take it any longer. I'm gonna crack." Rachel said in an out of it tone. Monica smiled to herself, knowing that her pain and suffering was pretty much over. She acted along. Badly.  
  
"Yea. I know what you mean. I'm going crazy. But the money will totally be worth it." She ironically. During another patch of silence, Rachel looked over at her friend suspiciously.  
  
"Mon?" She asked. Monica snapped out of her sudden quietness.  
  
"Yea." Monica said looking at Rachel, hiding her guilt.  
  
"You'd uh, you'd tell me if you and Chandler did it." She pressed. "Right?" Monica smiled and turned it into a belly laugh.  
  
"Yea. Totally." She paused, suddenly looking equally suspicious. "Would you?" She asked. Rachel sat up.  
  
"Yes. I would so tell you. What are you hiding?" She asked. "Did you and Chandler have sex?" She asked. Monica scoffed. "Oh my God! You cheater!"  
  
"NO!" Monica screeched. "No." she repeated a little more innocently. "Why would you ask that??" She asked. Rachel shrugged a little.  
  
"I don't know. It just- it seems like you are suffering a little less than me, that's all." She whined.  
  
"Oh, Rachel. Maybe we just need to face it, you're. You're a Sexaholic." She said stone-faced. "I, on the other hand. I can just go without easier than you."  
  
"Monica! That is so not true!" Rachel squealed. "I can go without! I've gone through 9 months with out it!" She said honestly.  
  
"When?" Monica shot in a 5 year old's inquiring tone.  
  
"EMMA!" Rachel yelled. "Is it just me? It EVERYONE on my case lately?" Rachel asked. Monica sighed.  
  
"No. The truth is... The truth is-" No matter how much Monica wanted to, she couldn't lose this bet. "The truth is I've been getting it somewhere else." Monica said in one breath. Rachel's eyes widened with horror.  
  
"Joey??" She asked. Monica winced and shook her head. "Who?" Rachel inquired.  
  
"Uh..." Monica's mind raced with eligible people. "Gunther?" She tried. Rachel sighed.  
  
"I cannot believe you would cheat on Chandler for a bet!" Rachel said in a motherly tone. Monica mentally hit herself upside the head.  
  
"Well, I- I uh, couldn't help myself."  
  
"GUNTHER?" Rachel yelled this time. "Why?"  
  
"Well, I just watched him. Behind that counter. Pouring those Lattes. His, WHITE hair, in the light of the Central Perk. Those strong arms. . ." Monica stopped when she looked at Rachel; she was obviously stuck in thought. What had she got herself into this time?  
  
XOXOELIZABEHXOXO and JenniGellerBing 


	7. Oh, Happy Day!

The Dry Spell  
  
Due to technical difficulties, this chapter is a little shorter. However, the next chapter will be up soon, I promise, and it will probably be the final chapter. :)  
  
Monica was cooking in the kitchen when she first felt it. The rumbling in her stomach that ran up her throat. She put her hand over her mouth and leaned over a bit, but nothing happened. The mere thought of vomit on her kitchen floor made Monica feel even worse, and she ran into the bathroom.  
  
Chandler heard the gagging, and he heard the toilet flush soon after. He furrowed his brow and set down his newspaper. He walked over to the bathroom and tapped on the door.  
  
"Mon? You okay in there?" He asked. A muffled "I'm fine," came through. He shrugged and went in the kitchen to turn off the stove. Monica soon emerged from the bathroom, dabbing her upper chest with a cold cloth.  
  
"It's probably just a bug." She coughed. Chandler nodded and picked up his briefcase. He hurried over to her to kiss her on the forehead.  
  
"Get better sweetie. I'll see you tonight." He smiled. Monica smiled too. It had been a week and a half since she had given in to the bet. Rachel still had no idea, and she had today that she and Chandler's sex life was now back on track. Maybe this bet had been exactly what they had needed. But poor Rachel was still oblivious to the fact that Monica had been deceitful.  
  
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Rachel sat on the end of her bed in silence. She glanced over at the neon green of her alarm clock (4:15 am), then over at the sleeping Ross. She felt so bad for her whole bet right now. It was stupid to have made him suffer so much just for the price of a lousy 100 dollars. But at the same time, she felt proud of herself. She hadn't given in, and she still had the chance of beating Monica at something, and that was all worth it.  
  
That night, Ross and Rachel had gone out to dinner for their date night. The third week of every month was their night away from Emma, and they just had each other. Rachel was dreading this night. She and Ross would always get down on date nights, and at the restaurant they would do whatever they could get away with. Now Rachel would have to work even harder to dissuade him.  
  
The restaurant Ross had picked out for the night was a sushi bar. It was pretty nice, and Rachel was excited to be out with the man she loved. Rachel then saw them. Carol and Susan were a few tables away. Rachel knew this was an escape from what was almost bound to happen if she and Ross were at a booth alone, she smiled and waved.  
  
"Hi Carol! Hey Susan!" She hollered. Ross looked at her with a look of irritation upon his face.  
  
"What are you doing?" He said between his clenched teeth. Carol smiled back.  
  
"Hi Ross! Hi Rachel!" She greeted.  
  
"Why don't you join us?" Rachel asked. Ross put his head in his hands. Carol and Susan made their way over.  
  
"How are you?" Susan began striking up conversation. Ross rolled his eyes. He had already lost 200 dollars from losing that bet with Chandler, and he still wasn't going to get some.  
  
"We're good." Rachel said happily. Rachel then felt it. Ross' warm hand on her knee. Her eyes widened in horror as she continued to listen to Carol and Susan drone on about Ben's grades. Rachel could only focus on where his hand was heading. It slowly crept up her leg. With her free hand, she took hold of his hand and nonchalantly moved it onto the booth seat. Ross was getting more and more frustrated.  
  
"So, how's Monica?" Carol asked. Ross began talking about Monica and Chandler and them trying to have a baby. Ross let go of her hand and she felt a little better...until it reappeared on her thigh. This time, Ross didn't let Rachel take his hand. He proceeded to slide it all the way up, underneath her miniskirt.  
  
"But what ELSE is new?" Rachel asked, her voice lowering and raising from Ross' lusty escapade. Carol and Susan both stared in bewilderment at Rachel's sudden look of discomfort.  
  
"Rachel? Are you alright?" Susan asked.  
  
"Do you need water?" Carol added. Rachel shook her head.  
  
"Will you excuse me?" She whispered uncomfortably before hurrying off towards the bathrooms. Ross sighed.  
  
"I'd better go see what that was about." He said before following her. Susan looked at Carol strangely.  
  
"Did what I think just happen?" She asked. Carol then sighed.  
  
"He used to do that to me ALL the time." She said shaking her head.  
  
Ross caught up to Rachel who looked flustered.  
  
"Hey." He said.  
  
"Don't 'hey' me!" She snapped. "That was so BEYOND embarrassing!" She whined. "You don't fondle someone in the presence of others!" She said.  
  
"Well I'm sorry for wanting to have a little fun on our date night!" Ross said sarcastically. "You know, I'm really getting tired of us not connecting like we used to!"  
  
"Yeah, well, maybe tonight wasn't the BEST night to do that!" She said.  
  
"Maybe you shouldn't have invited my EX wife and her LOVER to join us for the evening!"  
  
"Good God Ross!" Rachel said running a frustrated hand through her hair. "I can't do this tonight, not here!"  
  
"Me neither." Ross said. He looked at his watch. "You know what? I'm just going to catch a cab. I'll meet you at home." Ross said before walking off.  
  
That wasn't even the end of it. When Rachel finally snuck into the house, hoping Ross had given up staying awake and just going to bed, she was wrong. He was on the couch waiting for her. She sighed.  
  
"I'm sorry." She admitted. "There's just been so much going on latetly." She added. Ross shrugged.  
  
"No big deal." He aaid casually. Rachel was frustrated now with his lack of concern.  
  
"No, really. I am truely sorry." She said sitting next to him. "There's a reason why I haven't been in the mood lately." She began. She was going to tell him everything, but couldn't. "It's a good reason. But honey, you just need to trust me. Thing will be okay soon." Rachel was sure of it.  
  
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Monica paced back in forth in her living room. She had two things stirring in her stomach: anticipation, and her lunch. Soon enough, Chandler ran in, locking the door behind him.  
  
"D-did I miss it?" He asked helplessly. Monica shook her head.  
  
"Nope. We still have another minute." Monica said looking at her watch. Chandler gulped and walked over to her, sliding his hands around her waist.  
  
"Mon- before we find out. I just want to say, no matter what this test says, I will love you anyway." Chandler comforted.  
  
"Please........" Monica said, dismissing the conversation.  
  
"Well, Mon, don't get your hopes up. The doctors said this probabaly won't happen for us." Chandler said in concerned tone. Monica lifted her head up to lightly kiss her loving husband.  
  
"Let's see what this says........"  
  
Jenni and Elizabeth 


	8. GUNTHER!

The Dry Spell  
  
"Rach, Monica just called. She said she has some news." Ross said walking into the bathroom where Rachel was taking a shower. Rachel rinsed out her hair before answering him.  
  
"Did she sound upset?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know. I couldn't read her," he said, "She sounded normal to me." he added. Rachel shrugged as she began scrubbing her arms and legs. She felt a breeze.  
  
"Is the bathroom door open?" she asked. She turned around and Ross had the shower curtain open. "What are you doing?" she asked blandly.  
  
"You're taking up all of the hot water. I'm just gonna join you." Ross announced. Rachel turned around.  
  
"Can you check on Emma first? I think she's crying." Rachel lied. Ross sighed and nodded, exiting the bathroom. Rachel rinsed off her arms and legs quickly before shutting off the water and hurrying out of the shower, tying her robe around her. Ross soon re-entered the bathroom. "All the hot water's gone." she said when he passed her a questioning glance. "It was cold when I got out." she added. Ross simply nodded and walked out of the bathroom. Rachel just prayed that this bet would soon be over.  
  
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Monica and Chandler paced around the room, and Joey and Phoebe thought they were going to throw up after getting dizzy from watching them.  
  
"What is the big news?" Joey asked. "I'm hungry!" he added with a whine.  
  
"Just wait. We can't tell you until Ross and Rachel are here!" Moncia snipped. Right on time, Ross, Rachel, and Emma entered the apartment. Monica nearly tackled them. "You're here!" She sang. Ross and Rachel exchanged glances and went to join Joey and Phoebe on the couch.  
  
"Okay. You're all wondering why you're here........." Chandler began.  
  
"We're pregnant!" Moncia shrieked. Immedietly, Joey, Ross and Phoebe stood to congradulate Monica and Chandler. Rachel put her hand over her mouth.  
  
"Is it Gunther's?!!!?" she exclaimed. All eyes went to Monica who squirmed in her pants uneasily.  
  
"Of course not........" she finally whispered. Chandler walked up to her eyeing her strangly.  
  
"Mon, maybe you should tell him." Rachel said nodding. Chandler's eyes grew big.  
  
"What's going on?" Ross asked.  
  
"Did you sleep with Gunther?" Chandler asked after.  
  
"No!" Monica said sternly.  
  
"Then why did you tell me that you did?" Rachel asked. Suddenly, a look of realization came upon her face. "YOU CHEATER!" Rachel yelled out. "YOU HAD SEX WITH CHANDLER!?" Rachel added.  
  
"Well, sometimes when people get married, they tend to do that." Chandler said sarcastically.  
  
"Okay! I admit it!" Monica said painfully. "I couldn't lose!"  
  
"Lose what? What's going on? Gunther?" Ross began rambling.  
  
"Monica and I had a bet........." Rachel finally sighed.  
  
"We were each not going to give in to sex for the longest and....when I gave in, I lied to Rachel and told her I slept with Gunther." Monica confessed.  
  
"That is ridiculous!" Ross said loudly. "Why would you have a bet like that? Don't you know better than toying with a guy's sex drive?"  
  
"Well, you guys weren't putting out anyways!" Rachel added, pointing to them. Ross and Chandler snickered uncomfortably.  
  
"Yea, we were only getting you guys back!" Monica added.  
  
"Hey, guys, maybe you should tell the girls about YOUR bet." Joey said nodding, feeling like he was helping the situation. In reality, both Ross and Chandler wanted to ring his neck.  
  
"What bet?" Rachel asked between her teeth.  
  
"To see........." Chandler said quietly.  
  
"I can't hear you!" Monica snapped.  
  
"To see which of us could get you guys to put out first." Chandler said loudly.  
  
"So THAT'S why you guys have been trying so hard?" Rachel asked. Both Chandler and Ross nodded.  
  
"I cannot belive you two made a bet like that." Monica said shaking her head.  
  
"Oh, you're one to talk." Chandler shot back.  
  
"W-w-ait a minute........"Rachel said slowly. "This means the bet's over, right?" Monica shrugged.  
  
"I guess so." Monica said. Rachel looked at Ross for a long moment before grabbing his hand.  
  
"Mon, watch Emma. Ross and I will be back later." She smiled miscievously before pulling him out of the apartment.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler." Monica finally said after a long moment of silence. Joey and Phoebe found it in their best interest to take Emma and sneak back over to Joey's apartment, giving them some time alone. "If it's any constellation, I lost that bet." Monica said slowly. "Wow. I lost." She said realizing the fact that she had lost to Rachel. Chandler shrugged.  
  
"I dunno. See, TECHNICALLY, you lost yours and Rachel's bet. But we won mine and Ross'." Chandler said, " Does that count?" He asked, grinning ear to ear. Monica smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.  
  
"Oh, that counts." She said before pressing her lips to his. That's when Chandler picked her up and carried her to their room.  
  
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Ross and Rachel lay in bed. The room looked like a tornado whirrled through it.  
  
"Oh, that was so worth it." Ross said breathlessly.  
  
"Oh yea." She said huskilly. Soon she climbed back on top of him. "Wanna go again?" She asked grinning.  
  
"Again??" Ross asked. Rachel bent down and kissed his lips, in a sultry, heated kiss and pulled away. "Sure, why not." He said happily before flipping her back onto her back.  
  
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Monica and Rachel sat in Monica's kitchen, both looking blissfully happy. Monica grinned.  
  
"So, you and Ross are ok now?" She asked. Rachel grinned miscievously.  
  
"Yea. We made up. We made up in bed. On the kitchen floor. In the shower-" She began listing the numerous places.  
  
"I'm not listening to this." Monica said, plugging her ears.  
  
"I think this should be your punishment for cheating. At least until you apologize." Rachel said happily.  
  
"No way!" Monica objected.  
  
"On the couch, on the window sill........." Rachel coninued.  
  
"OKAY!" Monica shouted. "I'm really sorry for cheating."  
  
"See, that wasn't too hard." Rachel coaxed. Moncia smiled again.  
  
"Yea, but can I tell you something?" Monica asked. Rachel nodded.  
  
"Sure, anything."  
  
"Losing this bet.........wasn't so bad afterall."  
  
THE END  
  
Jenni and Elizabeth 


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